------->  (photo courtesy by my good buddy, evan) 

less than 2 weeks left here -- 1 week and 5 days exactly until i return home to dubuque, a little over 2 weeks until i move back to iowa city. naturally, my emotions are out of control and changing constantly. some moments i almost panic at the thought of leaving -- sitting at a cafe or pub drinking beers with friends, laying in the grass outside of the louvre, walking home along the seine -- those are some of the simple things i will miss the most. But then, i think about this summer and i would rather nothing else than to spend the summer months in iowa city with my friends, visiting my parents in dubuque, and planning seldom seen at my childhood farm. 

i have been a bit sick the past couple days but i've pushed through it and forced myself out of the apartment anyway. i have a feeling thats going to be happening a lot the next couple weeks -- despite how im feeling physically, i want to take advantage of every moment. i want to be outside walking around the city as much as i can, hanging out with my friends whom i will deeply miss, and enjoying my last few dance classes here. it's going to be strange taking these pictures off my walls and packing up my clothes, to move once again. 

last cours pratique on wednesday -- it will be nice to get the final over with but i'm also really nervous. many of us are i think. it's one thing trying to study while you're living abroad in paris, it's another thing trying to study while you only have a couple weeks left in paris.. it's clear that a majority of us have little to no motivation to focus on school work at this point but i think we'll be okay.

the other day, i was briefly skyping my father when he asked "so tessie, how does it feel that you're going to be home in about 3 weeks?" ....what
i had a small panic attack, enforcing the fact that my time left here is closer to a month than 3 weeks. but i knew it didn't matter. afterwards, i sat and thought about it for a long time and have been thinking about it pretty consistently since then. 3 weeks. that's nothing. what was i doing 3 weeks ago? it was the first week of spring break i believe... it feels like almost no time has passed since then. i really cant imagine leaving at this point. i have finally gotten to that point where my urge to stay deeply overrides my need to go home. my life here finally feels real. i feel like i'm about to start over again by going home -- new adjustments, a new unknown. of course, i know my home and, in a way, i know what to expect but there is so much that i cannot anticipate. i cannot anticipate how this experience has changed me and how it will continue to change me. i don't know when i'll have the means to travel again or when i will see these people again. it's a pretty scary thought in some ways. some moments i feel more ready than others. last night my friend and i walked home along the seine after the ballet and a few beers at a small, intimate irish pub near st. michel. the entire way, we couldn't help but talk about how lucky we were -- to live in such an incredible location, so close to all of these beautiful and historical spots, so close to all of our friends, in one of the most romantic cities in the world. this is an experience we will never get back. and so, although, i have such a hard time living in the moment most days, i'm going to try really hard during my last three weeks here.

xo

spring breaK #2:

the second half of my break was spent in the beautiful and wild city of barcelona. the trip was interesting to say the least, composed of many ups and downs but i don't regret a second of it. to be honest, the challenges i faced while there helped me to really grow in a way i wasn't sure possible. traveling was a bit of a pain in the ass this week but i suppose that's what happens when you fly with the cheapest airline you can find. but really, please never fly with ryanair. they are very strict and the flight attendants spend the entire flight walking up and down the aisle trying to sell you useless things. both the way there and the way back seemed to be much more exhausting than any other traveling i have ever done, hour long bus rides to small airports and waiting in long, endless lines.
but the hostel made up for the airline. "hip karma hostel" was the name of it -- i know, hilarious. it was actually very nice though. very clean and very "hip", cute exotic boys working at the front desk, comfy beds surrounded by dark curtains which made you unaware the time of day it was when you were laying in them. the first day we met up with our friends and ventured out to park guell -- the famous park designed by gaudi which has a breathtaking view of the city below. we brought our books and journals and some snacks and found a spot at the very top surrounded by trees and rocks to sit on where we talked for hours and listened to music on my friend's small portable ipod player. it was the perfect. that night we decided to go out. we went to a traveler's bar where we were told we could get a free meal with the purchase of a drink. the atmosphere made me laugh, crowded with broke, young travelers all with cheap beers and free meals sitting in front of them. we ordered cocktails and cheers-ed to our first night in spain. walking around that city at night is one of the most entertaining things you can do -- at first anyway. it gets old quickly. people are friendly and outgoing, especially if you're a young, female tourist. we made many friends on the first night -- the most memorable being a group of charming club promoters who hooked us up with wristbands that would give us discounts and free entry into clubs for the rest of the trip. the next day was spent at the beach where we were all burnt to a crisp by the intense spanish sun then got seafood at a restaurant right off the beach and went to bed early when we got back to the hostel.
over the next couple days, i broke off from the group a bit in order to get some of that much needed solitude i'd been craving so much the past week. it was really perfect in every way. i spent my mornings reading and writing in a nearby cafe or park over a cup of cafe creme. one of the days i went to the picasso musee and walked around there for a long time. it was SO wonderful -- they had everything from his sketches to some ceramics he had done and some of his graphic designs (which turned out to be some of my favorites). i spent a lot of time getting lost around the old, curvy passageways -- i stumbled into a couple thrift stores and became friends with the young girls working the cash registers.  both days, i looked forward to and deeply enjoyed dining on my own -- something i had always wanted to do but had been to insecure to try until i came to europe since there is a sense of anonymity that comes along with it here. the first day, i went to this small, vegan cafe called "cat bar" which, as you may have guessed walls were covered in the most adorable cat-like decorations. the next day, i walked into a dark, romantic restaurant that was decorated with old furniture and dimly lit vintage lamps -- none of it matching. i sat at a table in the back with a candle and sipped on my glass of red wine while sexy, spanish music played over the speakers. it felt so good to take my time eating and drinking, taking in everything around me, no one to distract or rush me.
our second to last night in barcelona was a bit rough for me -- we were having a great time at a local bar, my roommate and i had just finished a wonderful conversation and we got up to search for the rest of our friends when we realized that my purse had gone missing. my first reaction was panic as i suddenly remembered all of the horror stories i'd heard about people's things being stolen in barcelona. i searched the entire bar and it was no where to be found. i was shocked, i felt like i had just had it around my shoulder and now it was gone. although, i was a bit of a mess that night, the next day i woke up feeling at peace. i was safe, worse things could have happened, everything in there was replaceable. of course, it would be a bit of an inconvenience and it would be expensive but i decided to let go of the guilt and anguish it was causing me, take it one step at a time, and enjoy my last day in spain. my friends and i spent the day laying around in a near by park filled with half naked hippies doing yoga while children and puppies ran around chasing each other. we ate flowers and laid under multicolored clouds and people watched. it was the perfect way to end a crazy trip, a nice, relaxing afternoon.

--- no pictures because my camera was inside of my purse...

<3