i had a small panic attack, enforcing the fact that my time left here is closer to a month than 3 weeks. but i knew it didn't matter. afterwards, i sat and thought about it for a long time and have been thinking about it pretty consistently since then. 3 weeks. that's nothing. what was i doing 3 weeks ago? it was the first week of spring break i believe... it feels like almost no time has passed since then. i really cant imagine leaving at this point. i have finally gotten to that point where my urge to stay deeply overrides my need to go home. my life here finally feels real. i feel like i'm about to start over again by going home -- new adjustments, a new unknown. of course, i know my home and, in a way, i know what to expect but there is so much that i cannot anticipate. i cannot anticipate how this experience has changed me and how it will continue to change me. i don't know when i'll have the means to travel again or when i will see these people again. it's a pretty scary thought in some ways. some moments i feel more ready than others. last night my friend and i walked home along the seine after the ballet and a few beers at a small, intimate irish pub near st. michel. the entire way, we couldn't help but talk about how lucky we were -- to live in such an incredible location, so close to all of these beautiful and historical spots, so close to all of our friends, in one of the most romantic cities in the world. this is an experience we will never get back. and so, although, i have such a hard time living in the moment most days, i'm going to try really hard during my last three weeks here.
xo
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